Day 26 of 30 Days of Writing – Today’s Writing Prompt is “An Intervention.” Please swing by We Work for Cheese to link up or read other posts by the criminally insane.

English: If God was a Banker (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A Dramatization

INT. LIVING ROOM – EVENING

Five members of the Banker family are seated around a lavishly decorated living room. Their attention is on Betty who is standing in front of the fireplace. Her gaze follows Bob as he frantically paces the room.

BETTY BANKER

I’m really concerned about Bob.

Bob climbs on top of a piano on the wall opposite the fireplace.

BOB BANKER

Betty Banker, come on down! How much do you think I paid for that Rembrandt above the mantel? C’mon, I’ll give you three guesses. It’ll cost you nothing to guess unless you take too long. Then, I’ll have to charge a late fee.

BETTY BANKER

Bob doesn’t make sense anymore. He only wants to play games, talk about doubling his money and charging fees. That’s why I called this intervention.

BOB BANKER

C’mon, guess the price. Damn it! If you’re right, you’ll get a chance to spin the wheel. Take a risk. Show some spine. The worst that can happen. You lose your house but get a toaster.

BETTY BANKER

(Shakes head)

Every time I walk into the kitchen, Bob hands me a toaster. The other day he started charging refrigerator fees every time I open the door.

BOB BANKER

If you’re within five thousand dollars, I’ll give you the green Rolls Royce parked in the garage.

Betty’s brother Stan removes a calculator, stares at the painting and starts assessing its value.

BETTY BANKER

I can’t tell you how many times Bob has foreclosed on our house. He has a stack of foreclosure signs stuffed inside the bedroom closet. I can’t reach my shoe display anymore. That’s why I’m wearing these old things.

Betty glances at her Prada shoes.

FAMILY

Awful. Terrible. I think he needs meds.

BETTY BANKER

He charges a finance fee every day we don’t have sex. Lately, my wifely income has taken a hit. Last week alone, I lost $700.

Bob dismounts the piano and lays a hand on Horace’s shoulder.

BOB BANKER

C’mon, Horace. Take a guess. What do you have to lose?

HORACE

They already took the boat.

BOB BANKER

Isn’t this fun!!!

HORACE

Uh, no!

BETTY BANKER

He’s charging the neighbors a fixed feces fee every time their dogs crap on the lawn. The urination fee is liquid and subject to change.

STAN

I think the Rembrandt’s worth $250,000.

BOB BANKER

Sorry, Stan, that’s market value. I’m talking net value after all the auction house fees.

Bob grabs Stan’s wallet.

STAN

You didn’t say anything about market value.

BOB BANKER

It’s printed on the cocktail napkins in 2-point type.

BETTY BANKER

Yesterday, Bob chopped up the bedroom furniture and sold the pieces at a yard sale. We have no idea where the pieces are or who owns them.

Stan gets up.

BETTY BANKER

You can’t leave now. We just started.

STAN

I can’t afford the intervention.

Stan races out the door.

Bob laughs.

BETTY BANKER

What’s so funny?

BOB BANKER

He didn’t pay “the wrong answer fee.” I just had him arrested for fraud.

After exchanging concerned looks, the family vacates their chairs and leaves the house.

Betty reaches inside her purse, removes a $100 bill and hands it to Bob.

BETTY BANKER

Here, Bob.

BOB BANKER

What’s this for?

BETTY BANKER

The finance charge for later tonight.