How to avoid being rude in the nude?

Nude Pool Etiquette:

• Remove your clothing as soon as you find a lounge chair – ten-second rule – before your tush smooshes the cushion.

• Always act naturally while removing your clothing in front of a bunch of smiling, naked strangers.

• No gyrations or sexually suggestive movements allowed while removing clothing. This is not a strip joint.

• Always bend from the knees down, never from the midsection. No one wants to look at that.

• Hat, sunglasses, and suntan lotion are the only accessories permissible.

• Standing around casually conversing with naked people is encouraged only if you are naked, conversing, and casual about it.

• The head is the only body part that is permitted scratching.

• As soon as you are dressed, you must leave the pool area immediately, or you’ll be forcibly removed by the big, fat hairy guy with man boobs.

• Nametags and other pinned items are prohibited unless you’re wearing a hat.

• If you wear clothing in the pool area longer than ten seconds, you will be considered a pervert, not the naked people.

• No handstands allowed in the shallow end of the pool.

• Nudists must remain at least 3 feet apart from each other at all times. No cheek kissing (upper or lower), hand shaking, or shoulder tapping allowed, especially if visually impaired.

• No picture taking permitted unless it is of wildlife (not wild life), i.e., birds, rabbits, or roosters, not the other word used to depict roosters.