CHEF RAMSAY
Bug off. The lot of you. You can’t make a bloody deal. What’s so bleeping hard? C’mon now! I don’t have all day.

HARRY REID
I don’t understand. I’m the head of the Senate. I’ve always made a great deal. Maybe I took the deal out of the Senate too soon.

CHEF RAMSAY
Prodding a pile of papers
Look at this!  

The pile falls, scattering papers all over the floor.

CHEF RAMSAY
This is the worst piece of shit I’ve ever seen.

JOHN BOEHNER
Weeping  uncontrollably
I don’t know what happened.

CHEF RAMSAY
You’ve got to pull yourself together, man. Focus and start it all over again.

JOHN BOEHNER
It’s the abortion component.

CHEF RAMSAY
Do you honestly expect me to believe that? Go fuck off! Pathetic, utterly pathetic. C’mon now. It’s just a deal! For Christ’s sake, I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

JOHN BOEHNER
Wipes tears with a hankie
I’m really trying, Chef. I’m head of the House. I can bake, sauté or broil a deal with one hand tied behind my back.

CHEF RAMSAY
Well get to it then, you. Move your ass or piss off.

Reid and Boehner step aside for another try at making a deal. Papers fly. Voices get louder. A fistfight breaks out. Chef Ramsey steps in and separates the two.

CHEF RAMSAY
What is bloody wrong with you? I strive for perfection. I have standards, you know. I don’t see that in either of you. Now piss off! The both of you. This deal is a total utter mess. You’ve left me no choice. Just shut it down!