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I can’t hear you! 

Cease reality check. Commence email check.

There are now 1520 emails in my inbox.

Last time I checked there were 1301.

The Google says, “You are currently using 648 MB (8 %) of your 7576 MB.” 

I’m making progress. Not much longer till my inbox explodes, an event that could be as catastrophic as Chernobyl.

I’m thinking of inviting CNN to my 7576 MB email viewing.
  
Dialing phone. 

Me
Hello. Are you CNN?

Phone
I’m sorry. You’ve dialed too few numbers.

Click. 

Damn! Smarmy phone. 

Redialing.

Me
Hello, CNN?

CNN
Yes, hello. Who is this?

Me
This is me.

CNN
Can you be more specific?

Me
Me. You know. The dumbass with all the emails.

CNN
Yeah. What’s that all about? Why don’t you just delete them?

Me
And miss an opportunity of a lifetime – to find out what happens when I reach that magic number – 7576 MB. I want to see what the Google says. Besides, there might be a cataclysmic explosion. That’s where you come in.

CNN
We cover different types of explosions: fireworks factories, nuclear reactors, oil refineries, etc. An inbox explosion doesn’t meet our carnage criteria. Why not just tune into CNN for 24/7 nonstop news. We’ll make you wish you never owned a television.

Me
If I want to get depressed, I can go to WebMD.com and look up my disease du jour. It’s a great conversation piece at Hypochondriac Conventions.

CNN
We’ll then, I can’t help you. I’ve got to cover a drive-by-shooting. Now, that’s great television. Lots of shrill deafening sirens and blood-drenched sidewalks. Who could ask for anything more?

Me
I’d rather sit in the dark and wait for my inbox to explode.

CNN
Let us know if you lose a body part or a gallon of blood, and we’ll send Anderson your way. Do you live on a tropical island or in a war-torn country?

Me
No, just Connecticut.

CNN
Then, we’ll send the bald guy instead. Got to go! A bullet just took out a tire on an 18-wheeler. You don’t want to miss all the blood and guts splattered on your hi-def screen. 

Screeching tires. Boom!

Me
CNN is a bigger jerk than the phone.

Zap!

Me
Ow!

Phone
Don’t mess with ma belle!

Click. 

Dial tone.