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I’ve got a new guilty pleasure. Can you guess what it is?

Already you’re discouraged.

Wait until you hear.  I’m dying to tell you … I’m absolutely spritzing.

While channel surfing through our new cable program line up, I tripped over Jewish Life TV, fell down, and couldn’t get up.

God, I’m such a klutz. 

But instead of calling a lawyer, I sat in stunned paralysis, staring at the TV with my mouth open …

Keep your mouth shut!

… and watched a commercial about the Jewish Basketball Hall of Fame, a video of famous twentieth century Jewish basketball players.

I didn’t know there were any Jewish basketball players.

What chutzpah!!

But I was hooked. I tell you. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

With such mashugana programs as Mensch Life with David Grossman and Doris Epstein, the comedy/talk show, James & Sunda, and their faux sponsor Neurotic Star.

James said (paraphrasing) that “after drinking Neurotic Star he became obsessed about a girl he called, wondering why she never called him back until he realized he had never called her in the first place.”

And other fakakta shows like Jewish Music Video Countdown (in Hebrew), Kosher Organic Ranchero, and Talkline with Zev Brenner.

I had finally found my temple and it cost me bupkis. I should be so lucky to afford a ticket to Friday night Shabbat  But now I didn’t have to because of The Beat : Shabbat Medley.

I’m farklempt!

I found God on cable and will watch JLTV religiously. It should be played frame-by-frame on TiVo. After all, no good comes out of hurrying.

So, this I tell you with a heavy heart. Light hearts are too skinny, and you really need to put some meat on your bones.

Don’t be a nebish and miss TV’s greatest mitzvah, or you should get a stomach cramp and die!

I love you JLTV. Thanks to you now, I have two Jewish mothers in my life.