Caution: Low Flying Planes Image via Wikipedia A letter in support of more commercial flights over quiet bucolic communities.
Dear Editor,
A recent FAA directive rerouting flights from major city airports over suburban areas is a much-needed public initiative.
The directive will greatly improve the lives of neighborhood residents by keeping people inside away from hazardous conditions outdoors.
In just a few weeks time, local governments will see a reduction in bloated EMT budgets from numerous 911 calls involving deadly yard incidents.
Technicians will no longer work overtime responding to emergency fingernail hangings, hair branch strangulations, or deadly head-on toe collisions. This will save health insurers millions of dollars a year in addition to putting money back into taxpayer’s pockets.
Additional plane exhaust falling into our lakes and wells will only improve the taste of bland drinking water by adding savory bits of aerosol, sulfuric acid, and engine soot. Just add a twist of lime and – voila!
While some will grumble at the sight of more planes overhead, I will sigh with relief. There’s nothing like the soothing rumble of a low flying 757 at 7 a.m. in the morning to drown out the sound of woodpecker demolition crews and loud gossipy crows.
No more evenings wasted spending hours gazing skyward in excruciating wonderment, guessing whether a bright speck is a star or planet, as I will be comforted in knowing that they’re all likely planes.
The affects of nature’s seasonal hazards will be a problem of the past. No more lost or stolen ATM cards dropped from frozen numb fingers during icy winter months or strained eyelid muscles from squinting at harsh summer light.
And perhaps, in the not-too-distant future when the sky is completely blanketed with planes, sunlight will no longer filter to the ground, harming us with dangerous UV rays.
Thank you, FAA. I applaud your decision to enrich our lives by overcrowding our skies and saving us from nature’s horrific elements.
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen and FAA employee.
LOL! We live under the pattern for the planes setting up to land on the crosswind runway at DFW.
Also, when the local fighter planes are practicing at Alliance, they turn over our house. After a few seconds, we hear the roar. YEEHAW!
I love it!
Yikes! Do you have to hold onto the vases every time the local fighter planes practice? We live 20 mins from Danbury airport. We mostly get the Cessna's and other assorted loud low fliers. When we first moved, I tried to swat them like mosquitoes but like mosquitoes I kept missing them.
Personally I simply adore the low rumble of an Airbus A380 as it flies by late at night. The vibrations compliment my Rabbit perfectly.
OMG! You are too funny.
That's so funny about the star. I worked for the airlines and I was on a cruise last week and my hubs insisted he saw a satellite, I said "No, babe. That's a plane."
Hi Lauren, your editorial on flying sent my aircraft into a tailspin! We live in a small town so planes regularly are passing by. We also listen to National Guard air maneuvers fairly regularly…not to mention our cheap thrills to go to the airport and experience the deafening and frightening experience of having a jet land right above you! Yes! Did I mention we live in a small town? Thanks for 'clearing the air' on this issue!
Julie: You had the best job in world. I love to travel. From a ship that would be a tough call. Everything in the sky looks like it's moving. Maybe that's after several drinks at the bar.
Hi Snee: I hope you've recovered from the tailspin. : ) I've been cursing at planes for years. We live under the flight path of a nearby city airport. The city government is so kind to send more planes our way than over the city that it serves. We also live at one of the highest points in town and so get the full effect of the rumble of the jets. I especially love hearing the drone of low flying Cessna's. They sound like giant mutant bees.
I didn't hear anything. I was too busy listening to the gossipy crows.
Did you hear what they…..
LOL! Mrs. B.
Last year they redid the runway at our airport so all the flights were redirected over my backyard. Which of course meant no more naked sunbathing. I actually put an ad on eBay for someone to paint my roof with their logo. No one bought it. I suspect my roof was just too damn ugly. They finished the runway and the planes are once again flying low over the suburbs where they belong.
I love the logo idea. I think you're onto something with nude sunbathing. If I sunbath nude, they'll definitely reroute the flights. Thanks for the suggestion.
Pingback: Lauren Salkin