Image by mikebaird via Flickr“I can’t hear you!”
Cease reality check.
Commence email check.
There are 1256 emails in my inbox. Make that 1301.
I’m trying to see how many emails I can stockpile before my mailbox explodes.
The Google says, “You are currently using 526 MB (6%) of your 7566 MB.”
Almost there! Just another day or two – A short-term goal.
Other short-term goals:
- Check turkey in oven. Oh, that was last November. I cremated the bird.
- Change wall calendar to reflect appropriate year. 2009 or 2010?
- Pry open window shade stapled to frame.
- Turn on car to make sure battery isn’t in a coma.
- Stop Dust Bunnies from multiplying. Separate males from females.
- Go to market, get 11 items and wait in line at the register designated “10 items or less.”
A DRAMATIC FICTIONAL REENACTMENT
I dump 11 items onto the conveyor belt, placing them in alphabetical order, in color subsets.
Cashier
(Points to sign that says ten items or less)
You have eleven items including a six-pack of beer. That makes 17.
Me
Yes and . . .?
Cashier
The sign says ten items or less.
Me
Well can I group items together? Spaghetti and sauce make a great pair.
Cashier
What kind of sauce?
Me
Vodka.
Cashier
Well, then I need to see some I.D.
Me
How ‘bout counting the wrinkles on my forehead instead. I’m sure I have more than 21.
Cashier
Need to see an I.D. Elephants and babies have wrinkles, too.
Me
How ‘bout boob droop then? Every year past 21 is equivalent to a one-inch drop.
Cashier
Just show me your license.
Remove license from wallet stuffed with beer coupons and hand it to cashier.
Cashier
Whoa! You’re way past 21. I’m surprised you’re still able to stand.
Grab license.
Me
Just check me out before I check out.
I pay for items then leave in a flight suit.
Mission accomplished!
Got to stop at the pet store to pick up Dust Bunny condoms and food.