A Definitive Encyclopedia Of Existing Information
Just as the onion is a staple in the kitchen…
English: onion (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The Onion is a staple in satire…
“Since its founding by a Prussian tuber farmer in 1756, The Onion has expanded into an omnipotent news empire, with a Peabody Award-winning 24-hour cable news network…”
Rightfully, skewering empty-headed cretins with its tuber farmer wit.
The Onion Book of Known Knowledge is the perfect Christmas gift for acerbic two-legged carnivores or dullards who enjoy celebrating a holiday that masochists adore.
According to highbrow Onion sources, Christmas is…
“…the absolute worst occasion for a dad to flatly inform his loved ones that he hasn’t been happy for years and that Stephanie makes him feel alive…”
Hardbound and ingestible, if you’re a silverfish or booklouse, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge is a literary smorgasburg of tart factual tidbits. 250 pages of alphabetically listed encyclopedic snark, with charts, maps and illustrations, a worthy collection of information for the weird history buff or just the weird.
The Onion Book of Known Knowledge is a book coffee tables lust after and love to lay beneath – kinky inanimate coffee table sex – a great conversation starter for the strange uncle that lives under a bridge.
“What’s that book on that there coffee table?”
“Well, Uncle Hobgoblin, that there is the latest book by those wacko commie nuts at the Onion and possibly the last book ever written.”
“Did you say nuts? I’d love some.”
“Someone please toss Uncle Hobgoblin into the recyclable bin for curbside pick up.”
Once he has been carted away, your other quasi-normal guests, whether literate or not, can flip through the book that has lots of words and pretty pictures.
“Compiled and Organized According to the Higher Principles of Intellectual Commerce and Coercion. For the Betterment of Mankind and the Zweibel Family, Specifically –”
You’ll have to buy it to find out. It costs $17. Don’t be a cheapskate. No one likes a cheapskate. Just forgo paying one-month’s rent. They can’t kick you out. Not right away.
Where can I buy this awesome book?
Here! Or, here! Just screwing with you. Either link will leave you short $17 bucks.
But who cares? It’s the holidays and there are soup kitchens. So, you won’t starve.
Besides, you can always flambé Uncle Hobgoblin.
Disclaimer: I received a comp copy of the book to write the review.
Yet another way to separate me from my money. Good review, my friend, but you should have insisted on two books. so you could do a giveaway for your cheap friends. Of course, there’s always Santa…
Thanks!!! I’m new at this. Next time I’ll know better. : )
Are the sexy bookmarks appearing in the middle of the post? Weird stuff is happening that I don’t have the patience to fix.
Nope. Only the book and an onion.
Good. I fixed it. But initially, I was seeing the sexy bookmarks in the center of the post. It was weird.
my father would LOVE that book.
Only a ?? days left till Christmas or Hanukkah. : )
We celebrate both over here.
Also, my dad’s birthday is on Christmas Eve!
🙂
We celebrated Christmas for years. Then, my son begged us to celebrate Hanukkah. So, we got a menorah. JIm and I are both Jewish but always celebrated Christmas as kids.
When your dad was kid, that probably sucked.
His parents always made a really big deal about his birthday so it didn’t totally suck!
Good! Smart parents!
🙂
Good to see you know your onions. I’m scared to buy a copy because it might bring tears to my eyes.
Tears of laughter. It’s hilarious.
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Oh yea! A book of onions. Evil Twin is excited about all the gas she will create eating those onions and knocking Aunt Trollina out with her breath. Can’t wait!
hah! Book of Onions. ET will also likely further deteriorate the ozone layer. Poor Aunt Trollina. LOL!
You know I love a good giggle. The perfect Black Friday purchase, or is that ‘Read/Red” Friday? Great review Lauren. I will look forward to reading it.
Thanks! It’s a great coffee table book. You’d giggle for hours. You may be in the red on black Friday but not if you’ve read The Onion Book of Known Knowledge. : )
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