Midnight Eyes
His midnight eyes, impenetrable, like a moonless night, gaze at the ravenous lick of flames. As my thoughts linger in prescription limbo, fire chars memories of our first kiss, a blissful, sunlit moment disguising a dark secret until now.
Sitting across from him, in the smoky, thickening air, I said goodbye to his coldness that inextricably bound me to a chair. His crooked smile reflects the darkness from within, turned inside out by a car idling in the driveway; thirty years of a life, stuffed into one suitcase, tossed onto the backseat.
“If I can’t have you, no one can,” then he slipped the barrel between his lips and squeezed the trigger; as the deafening sound rings in my ears, smoke tightens its hold on my throat.
I’m participating in Five-Sentence Fiction, hosted by Lillie McFerrin at Lillie McFerrin Writes. This week’s writing prompt is MIDNIGHT.
Well done, but very dark and gruesome.
JzB
Thank you. I know. I was in a dark kind of mood.
Wow, Lauren. Just… wow.
Thanks. With my love of blogging, I often forget my writing roots. I need to drift back from time-to-time. I’m glad it wowed you.
Very cool entry. Dark and noire-like.
Thanks Phil.
I love writing dark pieces as much as humor. I should cross over to the dark side from time-to-time. : )
You took midnight to a whole new level of darkness with this powerful tale, my talented friend.
Thank you, Jayne. I was in a really dark mood at the time. That’s why I write humor. It brings me back into the light. Don’t go into the light!
Very nicely done! A complete story in five sentences… short stories that small are super hard to write
Thanks Isaac. I needed to jump start my writing, so I decided to participate in the weekly prompt. I’ve been posting pictures lately and had to switch things up.
Writing flash fiction is a great way to hone your writing.
I. Love. This. I’m in awe. Absolute awe. Keep it going!
Thank you!! I’m going to try to do these flash pieces every week.
Holy crap! That was amazing. Terrifying. But amazing nonetheless!
Thanks. I guess I did a 180 from dogs playing in snow.
Dark as midnight. That would be an image that would haunt you for the rest of your life. Well done.
Thank you. I’m not a fan of midnight anyway with all the ghosts hanging about.
Wow! So coolly written but incorporating so much pain…amazing!
Thank you. I guess I’m in a bit of a mood this week, which helped.
I LOVE this, Lauren. It’s absolutely amazing. The dark and twisted side in me is itching to come out and write now. Very inspiring, indeed.
Thanks Ziva! I think your dark and twisted side should have literary control, not to be confused with literally, which literally drives me insane. A dark side with a twist can be medicinal at times. Go for it!
Those are five extremely evocative sentences! Great writing!
Thanks a lot. Appreciate your kind words about my writing. Just got back from a long weekend.
Thank you!!
That would make a very suspenseful opening to a novel… I’d definitely keep reading!
Thank you. I’ll have to keep that in mind. : )
It is a very nice entry for 2013! keep it.
Thank you.
I got to ask; what made you use so much detail and description? Is it, because it’s a short?
Assaf Koss,
Professional Author & Blogger,
See my Blog & eBooks at AssafKoss.blogspot.com
When writing flash fiction, you have to tell a story with a limited amount of words. You have to have a beginning, middle and end. It all has to come together and make sense.