On the back shelf of my musty brain, I found emergency reserves of optimism to keep my thoughts afloat, not adrift, mind you. Otherwise, I’d be doing the doggy paddle in a sewer somewhere with the rats that stole my ego. I eventually got my ego back, not from the rats. I grew a new… Continue reading
Ideas Stew in a Crockpot not a Crackpot.
Image via Wikipedia Metaphorically Speaking. I write even when I don’t write. Thoughts simmer in my head like a Crockpot stew, as extraneous distractions, potatoes and carrots, pop to the top of the meaty brew. But where’s the beef? Holding its breath at the bottom. While thoughts simmer, the aroma wafts into my brain at… Continue reading
Humor from the Attic: Out, Damned Dust Bunny! Out, I Say!
While I work on my resume, I’m digging up writing that’s been sleeping with the dust bunnies. The following piece was published in ByLine Magazine in June 2005. I hated the title that the editor chose, “In Defense of Freefall.” But my title wasn’t any better, “Caution: Outline Route Plot Pile-up Ahead.” LOL! I just… Continue reading
A Picture is Worth 420 Words.
Repost of an article I wrote last year using a picture prompt. Vaudeville Act, Destined for Dump, Saved by Descendant of Jerry Mahoney. The demise of Vaudeville began soon after the debut of the Feckless Five, as they appeared in their first performance pose in the below archival print. Sid (top left) Lenny (top right)Willie… Continue reading
Egad — I have been Sham-pooed!
Image by Cayusa via Flickr Did you ever notice how many different shampoos there are? There’s tearless baby shampoo, kid’s fruity banana, strawberry, blueberry, berry berry; shampoo for oily hair, dry hair, normal hair — what exactly is normal hair anyway? — Shampoo for shiny hair, hair that is damaged, bleached, colored, or has split… Continue reading
My Handbag: An Over the Shoulder Dumpster for My Crap.
LIST OF ITEMIZED CRAP. Consumable Goods: 6 Promo Samples of Melon Bubble Gum 1 roll of Mentos 4 Granola Bars. They look like this (but fully clothed) ▼ ▼ ▼ Image via Wikipedia Anti-Diarrheal Pills (after ingesting all the above) Food-Related Items: (twice removed) 3 Spoons 4 DayQuil LiquiCaps $1.94 in change… Continue reading
When Your Writing Flatlines.
Image via Wikipedia. A DRAMATIZATION. Alice Smith sits in front of her computer, about to write. Suddenly, her computer freezes. She can’t think. A pain shoots through her brain — a writing blockage immobilizes her. The white screen of death gives her the evil eye. Her brain shuts down, as the room spins. She passes… Continue reading
How to Prevent Traumatic-Post Stress Disorder.
Channel your energy to your writing and not to outside distractions. Fads pass through the blogosphere faster than a toe-tapping politician can talk his way out of a bathroom stall while an unamused cop rattles a pair of handcuffs. But fads are just distractions, as is stressing over frivolous stuff, like your subscriber count,… Continue reading
Where Have All the Windows Gone?
The office where I work boasts lovely views of the parking lot from four windows, soon to be zero. Image by Ateo Fiel via Flickr We are moving to new digs, literally, in the basement of the building. I literally hate the word literally. Image via Wikipedia There will be zero windows in the… Continue reading
Mentamucil-The Natural Brain Laxative.
When You’re Blocked. The number one preferred brain laxative of non-institutionalized shrinks, Mentamucil contains natural brain fiber that adds bulk to gray matter where thoughts matter most. More brain fiber less WTF moments. Taken daily, Mentamucil improves colon and comma health by helping you move your vowels regularly. No more discomfort from introspective constipation or… Continue reading