Hey, you blanking page. What happened to the Font family? They vanished somewhere between the margins, their characters decimated by Jihadist spelling terrorists. Alas, I fear the fragment may be dead, but I can’t find the body of words. I need an English detective to solve the case – Sherlock Holmes. Prep your pipe and… Continue reading
Author Archives → Lauren
Mother’s Day Rap
I’m a mother with a son, two dogs and cat I try to cook and clean but fail at that After work, I want time to clear my head But have to feed the dogs and cat instead If they don’t get dinner, they get under my feet When you fall on your face, it’s… Continue reading
If a blog post falls in my head, does it make a sound?
The silence in my head speaks louder than the brain gremlins feeding on muse droppings and thought decay. All those lovely ideas scribbled on Post-it-Notes and envelopes, screaming to be saved. They telepathically collect rejection slips, while waiting in the dark chamber of neglect in the lobby of paper limbo. I’m still working out the… Continue reading
I Hail from Quirky
Lately, the trees fall down and don’t get up. A graveyard of twigs and leaves still cover the ground from the October nor’easter that whacked our town on its way to the North Pole, which is lovely this time of year. Polar bears slip and slide on icebergs in the frosty wilderness and take holiday… Continue reading
The Infinite Et Cetera, More Powerful Than the Next
The clerk yelled, “Next!” I stepped up to the counter. “What can I get you?” he asked. I stared at the seemingly infinite choices on the shelf. “Well?” The clerk glared at me. “Uh . . .” “Hesitation is a sign of weakness. This is no place for the meek. You need fortitude to pick… Continue reading
Have You Seen This Avatar?
The Google Friend Connect widget, once populated with faces on my sidebar, now appears empty and clueless, a border of its former self. On March 1st, Google discontinued Google Friend Connect on all non Blogger sites. Since that day “that will live on in infamy,” I’ve tried to find a Google Friend Connect plugin or… Continue reading
Save the Wealthy – Sponsor a Billionaire!
Image via Wikipedia – I have no idea who this dude is. After a bad run of luck on Monte Carlo, billionaire Todd Hedrick III needs your contributions to help him get back on his jet again. For just $200 a week, you can help Todd maintain his lavish lifestyle and recoup the island he… Continue reading
Slut Talk Radio – A Rush to Judgment
Do some men choose a career in radio to overcompensate for their tiny heads? I can’t think of any other reason for Rush Limbaugh to verbally abuse Sandra Fluke on the radio, his voice wafting like pig farts across the airwaves. Whether you like it or not, Limbaugh is a public figure and a role… Continue reading
The Limbaugh Galaxy, a Strange Universe Far, Far, Away…
SPOCK Captain we’ve entered the Limbaugh galaxy on a course bearing 666 at 275° toward the planet Dittohead. CAPTAIN Ah, the overpopulated planet inhabited by pimps and sluts. SPOCK Yes, Captain. Back in the year 2012, King Rush, the supreme leader of Dittoheads, proclaimed contraception evil and banned its use throughout the kingdom. Women were… Continue reading
Come an’ get me, copper!
The cop saw me before I saw him. He had a radar detector. I had astigmatism. Hypnotized by the swirl of his ruby-red lights, I pulled over to the side. He got out of his car, parked across the street, and swaggered toward me. My chance to make a getaway. Instead, I idled in confusion…. Continue reading