Excerpt from a work in progress This was my moment: choke or breathe. Either the cubed potato would slip down my throat or clog up my air filter. So far, my soul hadn’t bailed out on me. Thoughts continued to light up my brain while my fatalistic, internal drama queen ranted on about the end… Continue reading
Author Archives → Lauren
The Alternate Universe of the 99 Percent
I am a member of the 99-percent club, a part-time worker, poverty wage earner, with more time than money to spend. On my never-ending search for more part-time work, yesterday rubber met the road when Gladys GPS and I followed Google’s convoluted directions to a 2 p.m. interview in a different state – of confusion…. Continue reading
Clueless About Remotes
How many remotes does it take to change a channel? It depends upon what mode you’re in: DVD, TV, TiVo, or DVR (Digital Video Recorder). When it comes to remotes, I’m usually in split-spleen mode because my technological knowledge only includes TV on and off, channel up and down and volume loud and soft. I… Continue reading
Haunted by the Plants I Kill – I See Dead Perennials!
Confession of a Serial Plant Killer Repotted Post from the Cellar. This is the third day of my incarceration at a maximum-security garden center. The florist glares at me from behind a bouquet of roses armed with tiny Samurai spikes. And she thinks I’m the dangerous one. I think we’re both the same,… Continue reading
Nuts: A Twitter Story
A Twitter Story in 140 Characters. Tom emptied his drawers, leaving Ann alone in bed with a bag of nuts. Ann ate them, despite her allergy, tweeted a salty goodbye then died.
Dirty Dish Physics: A Primer
FYI, guys. Washing dishes is not magic realism, fantasy or science fiction. You cannot wish a dish dirt free by rubbing a Genie’s lamp or will it clean with telekinetic abilities. Dirty dishes in a sink remain in a state of food decay until said dish undergoes a Loofah scrub or dishwasher… Continue reading
In Dog We Trust
Image via Wikipedia Barking Up the Far Right Tree in Straw Poll, Iowa With a purebred to mutt ratio of 2 to 1, the recent Iowa vote reflected the views of the majority of Straw Poll voters, the Bulldogs and Hounds. When asked if Dog belonged in politics, Harry Hound bayed, “Buuuuuuuuut of course, who… Continue reading
I’m Plotzing over Jewish Life TV!
Image via Wikipedia I’ve got a new guilty pleasure. Can you guess what it is? Already you’re discouraged. Wait until you hear. I’m dying to tell you … I’m absolutely spritzing. While channel surfing through our new cable program line up, I tripped over Jewish Life TV, fell down, and couldn’t get up. God, I’m… Continue reading
Big Biz Cuts Jobs and Runs – Updated w/Newell Rubbermaid Response
Apparently, all corporations aren’t part of the evil empire. Earlier today, a representative of Newell Rubbermaid contacted me to clarify the LA Times article I cited in my post yesterday. Hi Lauren, just read your blog with interest. I’m with Newell Rubbermaid and wanted to clarify something from the LA Times article. We actually are… Continue reading
Big Biz Cuts Jobs and Runs Overseas to Invest Over There
Image by SS&SS via Flickr Now that Big Biz has helped stall the economy because they’re not adding new workers, and in fact, laying workers off, they’re cutting and running overseas to invest in growth over there. Warning: Do not ingest any food byproducts before reading this. Today from the Los Angeles Times: Newell Rubbermaid… Continue reading