A list of incendiary vices Prescription drug commercials about digestive or urinary problems, skin conditions, depression due to said conditions, or erectile dysfunction med symptoms that cause erections to last longer than 72 hours, sudden blindness, insomnia, and incessant howling at the moon. Squeaky supermarket carts with broken wheels stuck in a perpetual right-hand turn… Continue reading
Author Archives → Lauren
Honey, Don’t Look at the Spam, or You’ll Go Blind
Beware of Literary Internet Debris . . . Caught in the Cyberspace Spam Continuum I admire the creativity involved in the latest alien spam that landed in my inbox. Both contained riddles that I found intriguing and actually considered clicking the hyperlinks until Caution and Restraint grabbed me by the shoulders and shook some sense… Continue reading
Dead Mice Don’t Eat Cheese
This is based on a true story. Of course as a fiction writer and satirist, I tend to embellish the facts. So, what is actually true? The mouse, the cat, and me, of course. I did grab the cat with the mouse in its mouth, tried to shake it from the cat’s mouth, succeeded in… Continue reading
Burnt Bums and Boobies – Newbie Guide to Nude Sunbathing
How to avoid being rude in the nude? Nude Pool Etiquette: Remove your clothing as soon as you find a lounge chair – ten-second rule – before your tush smooshes the cushion. Always act naturally while removing your clothing in front of a bunch of smiling, naked strangers. No gyrations or sexually suggestive movements… Continue reading
Store launches underpants for left-handed men . . . on the fly
The neglected appendage or when left means right Metaphorically speaking, a left-handed man has a longer hike down the same path than a right-handed man does when it comes to adjusting his underwear. History has not been kind to the left-handed man and his briefs until one British manufacturer defied the laws of right-handed… Continue reading
Gunning for a Job? Face off at High Noon. Pistols or Pencils?
Hint: When your opponent yells, “Draw,” don’t grab a pencil The job market should be modeled after the Wild West. Instead of eliminating applicants with the delete key, have the top tier fight it out among themselves in a gun duel in the lobby. A win-win situation. Whoever lives, gets the job. Whoever loses is… Continue reading
Food Prompt Du Jour: Shrimp – The Prince Scampi APB
You don’t have to be small to be a shrimp Everything went along swimmingly for Prince Scampi, heir to the Jumbo Shrimp Empire, until the day he was caught in a dragnet by the Fish Interpol of the Caribbean Sea. It all began with an APB on a criminal crustacean named Crab Legs Louie. A… Continue reading
The Interview Smell Test: Eve Saint Laurent or Eau de Bull Ca-Ca?
Interview Warning Signs You know there is a problem if . . . • A Pekingese carrying a chew toy greets you in the reception area then pees on your leg. • The interviewer picks his teeth with a hunting knife. • The interview desk has a wee-wee pad instead of a desk pad…. Continue reading
Hello Dearest E-mail from Rwanda – Bad Investment /Grammar
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam Hello Dearest, (We’re not even on speaking terms.) Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. My name is Julet Desmond the only daughter of late Mr.and Mrs.Desmond. (How late?) MY FATHER ( Dr PHILIP DESMOND THE CHAIRMAN MANAGING DIRECTOR OF DESMOND &… Continue reading
Ask Your Doctor About the Pharma Collection: A Pill Pack Gift for Any Occasion
You’ve got the symptom! We’ve got the cure! via Got the blues? – We’ve got a pill for that. Mother-in-law in town? – We’ve got a pill for that. Mad at a spouse? – We’ve got several pills for that – from our Anniversary Collection. Every beautifully designed Pharma Pill Pack… Continue reading