The clerk yelled, “Next!” I stepped up to the counter. “What can I get you?” he asked. I stared at the seemingly infinite choices on the shelf. “Well?” The clerk glared at me. “Uh . . .” “Hesitation is a sign of weakness. This is no place for the meek. You need fortitude to pick… Continue reading
Post Category → Cultural Satire
Save the Wealthy – Sponsor a Billionaire!
Image via Wikipedia – I have no idea who this dude is. After a bad run of luck on Monte Carlo, billionaire Todd Hedrick III needs your contributions to help him get back on his jet again. For just $200 a week, you can help Todd maintain his lavish lifestyle and recoup the island he… Continue reading
The Limbaugh Galaxy, a Strange Universe Far, Far, Away…
SPOCK Captain we’ve entered the Limbaugh galaxy on a course bearing 666 at 275° toward the planet Dittohead. CAPTAIN Ah, the overpopulated planet inhabited by pimps and sluts. SPOCK Yes, Captain. Back in the year 2012, King Rush, the supreme leader of Dittoheads, proclaimed contraception evil and banned its use throughout the kingdom. Women were… Continue reading
The Ten Canine Commandments
Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s leg Thou shall not chase the cat when she wanders into mutt air space Thou shall not abduct a sock, shoe or glove from a wedded pair Thou shall not kill a rodent and leave it fermenting on the bed Thou shall not blight my clothing with thy muddy… Continue reading
My Skype Vacation
Last week, I sort of went to San Diego. My husband traveled there by Jet Blue. I traveled there by Smartphone. My husband Skyped me from the pool. It was so romantic. He held me tight in his hand beneath a luminous sky, my face pressed against his screen. “This is the hotel,” he said,… Continue reading
Failed Social Networks Modeled after Twitter
BITTER Social network for insensitive tarts CRITTER Social network for pests FITTER Social network for tailors JITTER Social network for neurotics KNITTER Social network for crochet enthusiasts LITTER Social Network for garbage men MITTER Social network for Romney supporters QUITTER Social network for slackers SHITTER Social network for the colon conscious SITTER Social network for… Continue reading
Who Killed the Economy the Banker or CEO?
A SHERLOCK HOLMES MYSTERY YOU WON’T SEE ON TV INT. KITCHEN A bloodied corpse lies beneath the kitchen table. Holmes and Watson examine it for clues. WATSON Holmes, I dare say the Economy has been shot, strangled and stabbed — HOLMES And poisoned, Watson. You missed the syrup residue on his lips. This pour soul… Continue reading
The Alternate Universe of the 99 Percent
I am a member of the 99-percent club, a part-time worker, poverty wage earner, with more time than money to spend. On my never-ending search for more part-time work, yesterday rubber met the road when Gladys GPS and I followed Google’s convoluted directions to a 2 p.m. interview in a different state – of confusion…. Continue reading
Clueless About Remotes
How many remotes does it take to change a channel? It depends upon what mode you’re in: DVD, TV, TiVo, or DVR (Digital Video Recorder). When it comes to remotes, I’m usually in split-spleen mode because my technological knowledge only includes TV on and off, channel up and down and volume loud and soft. I… Continue reading
Haunted by the Plants I Kill – I See Dead Perennials!
Confession of a Serial Plant Killer Repotted Post from the Cellar. This is the third day of my incarceration at a maximum-security garden center. The florist glares at me from behind a bouquet of roses armed with tiny Samurai spikes. And she thinks I’m the dangerous one. I think we’re both the same,… Continue reading