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Post Category → Humor

Dentist Dementia

posted in Cultural Satire, Humor on September 10, 2012 by Lauren 35 Comments

It’s eight o’clock in the morning.The caffeine hasn’t kicked in yet. “Bite down hard,” the dentist says, referring to the temporary crown he just stuck in my mouth. “Aaargh!” “Only one more minute.” A minute of silence, I hope, but no. “I recently read a great book called …” “Aaargh!” Why didn’t I take Jim’s… Continue reading →

Why is this dog smiling?

posted in Dogs, Humor on August 5, 2012 by Lauren 20 Comments

Jake is smiling because he’s been eating chopped meat and rice for the past several days. No gauche canned dog food for him. It all started when he heard a rumor at the dog watering hole. Barney the Boxer got Jake’s attention with a doggy rope toy and a “pssssst.” “Hey you, Jake. Come over here,”… Continue reading →

Parlez-vous French Toast?

posted in Humor, Writing on July 15, 2012 by Lauren 19 Comments

  Oui! Oui! Now, put zee caramelized apples on top of zee French toast and voilà! Ve have a breakfast treat that will send you waddling out the door or collapsing to the floor. Zee recommended French toast prep: First, add a slab of butter and copious amounts of syrup. Note: the butter should float… Continue reading →

Granny Samaritan and the Frozen Steak Stir-Fry

posted in Humor, Random Thoughts on July 29, 2011 by Lauren 0 Comments

Image via Wikipedia Close Encounters of the Third Aisle. A refurbished post from 2009. The supermarket and I have a love-hate relationship because I hate going. Although once I arrive, I love finding a story down one of the aisles. “Should I choose door number one or door number two?” I wondered aloud, while in… Continue reading →

Checking the Rearview Mirror Back to Mayhem 2009.

posted in Humor, Random Thoughts on July 24, 2011 by Lauren 0 Comments

Image by grendelkhan via Flickr Back in May 2009, my Uncle Sam on my mother’s side, helped support me after Frank the baker cut off my dough and tossed me out the back door with the used doilies. Although I am eternally grateful to my Uncle Sam for his financial help while we tube fed… Continue reading →

When A Brain Goes MIA

posted in Humor, Random Thoughts on July 21, 2011 by Lauren 0 Comments

If Only There Was a Lost and Found for Brains I once had a brain but it went MIA above the yondering blue where the space ships cruise in weightlessness. That’s where my brain is — somewhere in space, the final frontier — floating in a vacuum of nothingness. In space, there is no air… Continue reading →

A Foot Faux Pas.

posted in Humor, Random Thoughts on July 10, 2011 by Lauren 13 Comments

I took off my shoes before entering the house. Homeowner foot fetish I suspect. I’ve been down this path before, literally, and should have been more foot smart this time. But I forgot about the “no shoe” rule and the corn wrap air bag on my pinkie toe. Because I got lost, I was the… Continue reading →

Perimeno Menace, Not to Be Confused with Jose Jimenez

posted in Humor on June 22, 2011 by Lauren 0 Comments

From the estrogen files … archived but not forgotten. Anyone for a Perimenopausal Cocktail? (Originally posted Friday, Oct 30, 2009) Time to smash the rose-colored glasses. Damn it! I’m moody. This gloomy weather and the gray drippy sky doesn’t help. I want to be five years old again, find a mud puddle, jump in it,… Continue reading →

Kamikaze Saki Shots!

posted in Family, Humor on June 11, 2011 by Lauren 1 Comment

Haiku! Gesundheit! Forget the sneeze. It’s a red herring. Focus on my mouth. Saki shots whiz across the table. The chef fires the salvo from the other side. Then, everybody starts to count.  I made it to 27… Before my throat burned and my mouth locked down. Saki blocked, with no place to go. It… Continue reading →

Old Moldy Post – Stuff Gets Stuck In My Head and Grows There.

posted in Humor, Random Thoughts on June 9, 2011 by Lauren 0 Comments

Image via Wikipedia Found this buried in the back of my blog. Next Exit Past Asylum Street. On the road, Mom, Dad, and son head to college admissions. We’re watching all the signs. Just passed Asylum Street. A warning. On the shoulder, a discarded sneaker left standing. Farther down the road, another sneaker on its… Continue reading →

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