Formalda Hyde – From her toxic lips to your smoldering ears – FORMALDAI thought I would die but then somebody else did — The fella at the market in frozen foods, or cryogenic microwaveables, as I like to call them. His name was Sy. It was obvious why, because Sy liked to sigh. He… Continue reading
Post Category → Humor
WTF Did the Cashier Say Now?
Image by sgroi via Flickr The female cashier at the Stop and Shop had a voice like Bea Arthur and a body like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I got a nosebleed just looking up at her. While I tossed items from the cart onto the conveyor belt, I listened to Cara Cashier ring them up. “Sorry about… Continue reading
Easily Distracted by Bright Shiny Objects.
Thoughts bounce around my head like pinballs in an arcade machine. I often get lost in time. At a glance, it’s 9 a.m. Then, it’s 9:20. Where did the time go? Don’t know. But I really could have used those twenty-minutes. Bada-Bing. Bada-Boom. I’m back in real time or stationary chair-butt time, sitting in… Continue reading
Hot and Bothered in an Un-Air-Conditioned Way.
Target Practice. Image via Wikipedia It’s 99 degrees outside and 88 degrees inside because the AC is DOA. So, I called an air conditioning repairman, the cool kid who gets high on Freon and chilled air, not the uncool kid, like me, who thinks that refrigerant is a really tiny refrigerator. Hell. I don’t even… Continue reading
Formalda Hyde: The Lady with a Killer Instinct.
Please welcome Guest Blogger Formalda Hyde. She will do a series of posts on her stories of heartbreak and heart attacks. She has that affect on men. In her own words… The last man who bought me dinner dropped dead at the table. Before I had a chance to finish my Chardonnay, the paramedics arrived,… Continue reading
Emerson Played his Organ while Lake, Well, C’est La Vie.
EMERSON, LAKE, AND … CONCERT. Saturday, May 8, 2010.(Better late than never) As if we had stepped onto the set of a David Lynch movie, my husband and I entered the suburban venue darkly. We drifted past several gray-haired seventies rockers, with retro glassy-eyed stares, while climbing a flight of stairs to the balcony… Continue reading
Opposite George’s Approach to Job Hunting.
Image by lucaohman via Flickr “If every instinct you have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right.’’ ~ Jerry Seinfeld. After a year and a half of “almost hires,” or “jobs-be-close” and “jobs-be-gone,” I’ve decided to change tactics. Following the correct protocol doesn’t seem to work anymore. Sending out thank you notes via… Continue reading
Odd Jobs. Not Oddjob from James Bond.
These are actual jobs I found online that I doctored. Can you spot my handiwork? Who am I kidding? It’s obvious. EXP CARETAKER FT- live out under the stars on a large private estate, like a cowboy or a hobo, but without trains. Landscaping and Maintenance. Must love dirt. Pick up poop for twelve dogs… Continue reading
1-800 Voice Prompts and Dunderheads.
Image via Wikipedia No more sludge talk for a while but that doesn’t include bad language. Bad language is artistic expression in its purest form. Like, shit! I think my clothes might shrink. Really. My clothes might be in danger of shrinkage. Not that kind of shrinkage. I stuffed them into the dryer and left… Continue reading
Crab Cake Sonata.
Image via Wikipedia A CONVERSATION IN C SHARP. INT. PUB – NIGHT D MAN Choir Lady was my inspiration. She encouraged me to sing. SHRILL MOMMA(Eating a crab cake and drinking wine) I sing in the shower. D MAN Choir Lady and I sang in church. That’s where I learned to play the organ. SHRILL… Continue reading