Please welcome Guest Blogger Formalda Hyde. She will do a series of posts on her stories of heartbreak and heart attacks. She has that affect on men. In her own words… The last man who bought me dinner dropped dead at the table. Before I had a chance to finish my Chardonnay, the paramedics arrived,… Continue reading
Author Archives → Lauren
Oscillating Fans are Blow-hards
Ramblings of a work-deprived housewife caught in the squall of a fan. Image altered by me via Wikipedia. To fan or not to fan, a mind-blowing question that mystifies many a sweaty pit misfit. If it’s hot, you fan. If you admire someone from afar, you are a fan. A fan belt is an antagonistic… Continue reading
Emerson Played his Organ while Lake, Well, C’est La Vie.
EMERSON, LAKE, AND … CONCERT. Saturday, May 8, 2010.(Better late than never) As if we had stepped onto the set of a David Lynch movie, my husband and I entered the suburban venue darkly. We drifted past several gray-haired seventies rockers, with retro glassy-eyed stares, while climbing a flight of stairs to the balcony… Continue reading
Canine Wrecking Crew: Gutting Homes One Room at a Time.
We’ll Take a Bite Out of Your Couch, Not Your Budget. The Brains If you need a chair or sofa stripped clean, my dog Jenny, a mutt and alpha dog in a pack of two, will do it for free. She has an eye for interior design, or so she would like you think if… Continue reading
Opposite George’s Approach to Job Hunting.
Image by lucaohman via Flickr “If every instinct you have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right.’’ ~ Jerry Seinfeld. After a year and a half of “almost hires,” or “jobs-be-close” and “jobs-be-gone,” I’ve decided to change tactics. Following the correct protocol doesn’t seem to work anymore. Sending out thank you notes via… Continue reading
Odd Jobs. Not Oddjob from James Bond.
These are actual jobs I found online that I doctored. Can you spot my handiwork? Who am I kidding? It’s obvious. EXP CARETAKER FT- live out under the stars on a large private estate, like a cowboy or a hobo, but without trains. Landscaping and Maintenance. Must love dirt. Pick up poop for twelve dogs… Continue reading
1-800 Voice Prompts and Dunderheads.
Image via Wikipedia No more sludge talk for a while but that doesn’t include bad language. Bad language is artistic expression in its purest form. Like, shit! I think my clothes might shrink. Really. My clothes might be in danger of shrinkage. Not that kind of shrinkage. I stuffed them into the dryer and left… Continue reading
BP Funded Fish Kill Habitat Opens at New Orleans Aquarium.
On any given day, New Orleans Aquarium Curator, Mary More Ron, can be found trying to feed the unresponsive porpoises that float on their backs in a tank filled with oil-enriched sea water. A simulation. “Sure, it’s a challenge and a waste of time,” said Ms. More Ron. “But BP is spending millions of dollars… Continue reading
Louisiana Fishermen Catch The Oil Vapors.
Image via Wikipedia Eau De Petrol. If you were to ask BP chief executive, Tony Hayward, what was making New Orleans residents sick, he would tell you that it was food poisoning. Regardless of the fact that fisherman James Wunstell of Galliano stated in an affidavit that . . . . . . he… Continue reading
Crab Cake Sonata.
Image via Wikipedia A CONVERSATION IN C SHARP. INT. PUB – NIGHT D MAN Choir Lady was my inspiration. She encouraged me to sing. SHRILL MOMMA(Eating a crab cake and drinking wine) I sing in the shower. D MAN Choir Lady and I sang in church. That’s where I learned to play the organ. SHRILL… Continue reading