Cellphones were created to keep us connected 24/7. No room is off limits anymore, not even the bathroom.
Continue readingPosts Tagged → Humor
Office Deja Vu: A Shoeless Tuesday Ago
A flash of memory pops into my head, illuminating a moment I try to forget. Sounds of summer in the office: copiers chirping, papers flapping in the breeze and the intoxicating scent of Wite-Out — always helps me through the day. I need my Wite-Out fix to escape V.P. sales hysteria, the cause of office chaos…. Continue reading
Dog Threat Thwarted by iFeline Death Ray
After first using the iFeline Death Ray as a deterrent back in February… The beast left me no choice after a brief encounter in the hall… So I locked onto the target and zapped it into a catatonic state. This is brought to you by Feline Friday and Burnt Food Dude. Post a picture of… Continue reading
Dentist Dementia
It’s eight o’clock in the morning.The caffeine hasn’t kicked in yet. “Bite down hard,” the dentist says, referring to the temporary crown he just stuck in my mouth. “Aaargh!” “Only one more minute.” A minute of silence, I hope, but no. “I recently read a great book called …” “Aaargh!” Why didn’t I take Jim’s… Continue reading
Parlez-vous French Toast?
Oui! Oui! Now, put zee caramelized apples on top of zee French toast and voilà! Ve have a breakfast treat that will send you waddling out the door or collapsing to the floor. Zee recommended French toast prep: First, add a slab of butter and copious amounts of syrup. Note: the butter should float… Continue reading
Like There Was No Tomorrow End of Days Rap
I’m following Linda’s lead @ The Good, The Bad, The Worse and reposting my rapture rap for Day 22 of 30 days of Writing, the brainchild (or shock therapist) of the catering staff @ We Work for Cheese. Written on MAY 21, 2011 Revised on JUNE 22, 2012 Rapping the Rapture Image via Wikipedia When I… Continue reading
Breaking Banana News: The Awkward Banana Insecurity Crisis
Based on the article “The Awkwardness of the Common Banana” by Lynn Plantain. Often referred to as the “leathery berry” or “elbow of the bract,” the common banana has undergone many changes in cultural perception over the years. First popularized in slapstick comedy with a near-sighted fool slipping on a banana peel, today the banana… Continue reading
I Got Snaked by a Plumber.
Image via Wikipedia A Real Story w/ Real People. Really! In a community far, far away, a streaming thought video broadcasts from my brain. INT. HEAD – MORNING A water pipe breaks. The drips are less than a second apart. Water leaks beneath the kitchen sink and seeps below to the garage. I call… Continue reading
Jobless Rate Rises by One.
Image by Cornell University Library via Flickr On Friday, I opened my email at work and read this: Your position with — is being terminated due to restructuring. Let’s meet at 4:45 to discuss further. The person who sent the email sat behind me, only two-feet away. Instead of turning around and facing the person… Continue reading
Snaking the drain and other erotic half-truths.
If the sink were a heart, the drainpipe would be an artery, the faucet a skull, and the assisting drain surgeon a numbskull. http://www.flickr.com/photos/soulmate02/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 This began as a comment on Kys awesome blog aptly called Stir-Fry Awesomeness. I thought it was too good to remain as a comment and decided to… Continue reading