Blankety-blank page, the bleeping white brain suck


Thought I’d never see you again. But here you are, staring at me like a white light at the end of an airport ramp crammed with waitlisted souls.

God, you are not. If I were to compare you to an omnipotent being, it would be the devil. You torture me like he does and are as unforgiving as he is.

You burn my eyes with what I thought was desire but is eyestrain instead.


As I stare into oblivion, not a word on the page, only a nagging internal voice harassing me about stupid shit.

You idiot. The Word document language is set to French. No wonder the dictionary didn’t recognize the word ”blank” or “obnoxious.”

That could happen to anyone.


Don’t you have anything better to do than annoy me?

Yes, but this is much more fun. Don’t you have laundry to do?

I still have “B” drawer clothing.

Not those old ratty jeans that are so faded the holes have holes.

I’ve got a long blouse that hides them.

Another hair-brained “I love Lucy” solution. Anyway, I thought you were trying to write…if that’s what you call sitting at your desk with eyes glazed over like a ham. 

I was making progress until you interrupted.

No, you were brain-dead at your desk.

Well, it’s late. I’m fried

Brain-dead, like I said. Why waste your time trying to squeeze out a thought. You could be sleeping, two dogs deep in bed with the snorer.

I just elbow Jim when I can’t take it any more.

I was talking about you.

I’d be able to sleep if you didn’t blab incessantly about nonsensical shit. What’s a Goople anyway?

It’s the dying civilization of the Goop; distant relatives of swamp people who coexist with crocodiles with which they fight for food. But often the crocodiles win. And the Goople race continues to dwindle in numbers while the crocodiles thrive.

And you wonder why I can’t sleep.

You can’t write either. Remember, blank page, whiny babble.

Well, this time, your obnoxious cynicism and outlandish ideas have actually helped. See the words!

Damn you! I’m not finished yet. As soon as you’ve finished belching from your lousy cooking, I’m going inundate you with more crazy shit.

I’m participating in Silly Sunday, hosted by Sandy of Comedy Plus. Laugh and Link Up!


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23 Comments Blankety-blank page, the bleeping white brain suck

  1. Nicky

    Way to fight back, Lauren! Whenever that nagging, sarcastic critical voice starts in on me, I just say “Look, Mom, my therapist says it’s all your fault.”

    It doesn’t really make it stop, but the conversation does turn to what an ineffective quack my shrink is instead of being about me.

    Sometimes, it’s the little victories…

    1. Lauren

      hahahahaha! Well, it is all her fault. And your shrink may in fact walk like a duck. But it’s all about ducking whenever our internal voices chuck an insult or convoluted irony our way.

  2. Rum Punch Drunk

    Tell me about it. Happening much too often if you ask me. That old devil just won’t give in on the best of days. But what can you do? Carry on and flick him off your shoulder. Then sit down with a glass or two or three and the words will just flow, ha ha ha.

    1. Lauren

      That devil can drive you nuts.

      Sometimes a blockage occurs where the ideas and output converge. When you can’t purge thoughts fast enough, they build up on the brain and cause writer’s block. Booze definitely loosens the blockage. : )

  3. Phil

    I seem to get my best ideas when I dream, but when I go to write them I can’t remember a damn thing! It nags at me all day. Then I finally remember and I’m not anywhere near to write! AHHHHHH!

    1. Lauren

      That truly sucks. That’s why I always carry a pad and pen with me. Of course, this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when he gets up in the middle of the night to write down the funniest joke ever. Then, he can’t read his handwriting. I can’t read my handwriting in the middle of the day.

  4. Comedy Plus

    Bwahahahahahahaha. This is awesome and then some. Very well done.

    Rhonda no longer has this meme. She gave it to me several weeks ago so now I’m the host.

    Have a terrific Silly Sunday. 🙂

  5. Todd Burns

    I highly recommend your method of simply writing down the conversations going on in your head. Those guys NEVER shut up. Who’s laughing now, dear normal folk?

    ME: I used be alarmed that I had an ease of typing out dialogue between two or more people. I mean, it’s never really been hard.

    OTHER ME: That’s what she said.

    ME: This is what I’m saying…

  6. marinacarls

    Dreams are useful sometimes!!!! “Damn you! I’m not finished yet. As soon as you’ve finished belching from your lousy cooking, I’m going inundate you with more crazy shit.” this is interesting!!! thank you for this precious poste.


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