The Week That Hit The Fan


The AC in the ICU will be DOA soon.  It’s 27 in human years or 150 in air conditioner years.

Freon’s dripping through holes in a tube causing a mid summer system freeze, like a PC’s CPU though desktops blow hot air mostly. The AC blows both hot and cold.

Doubles2xIt’s cantankerous and groans and often forgets where it leaves its keys. Last year it suffered from incontinence and leaked onto the floor in the utility room and then flowed into the basement. We should hire a visiting nurse to stop by every day to make sure the AC doesn’t fall or forgot to take its meds.

It’s also short tempered at times, yells at little kids to get off our lawn. I’m sick of apologizing to the neighbors about our rude air conditioner. When I ask it to be more sociable, it just hisses at me.

Nothing works. I’ve even tried grounding it. But the compressor hums happily outdoors where there’s no pressure. Besides, you can’t punish your elders, especially when they’re venting at you.

I rush home from work to make sure the AC’s still alive. On the way home in toasty 87 degree heat, I press several buttons on the dashboard for maximum cold air velocity.

A few minutes later, my back and butt bake on the hot faux leather. Menopause? I’m sure. But I’m wrong. I accidentally turned on the heated seat. Perfect end to a day in which I wadded through thick wet air, knee deep, without a life preserver.

And then back home again to the sound of the AC grunting and hocking up tube sealant while my password dysfunction shifted into fourth gear. A hacker from Tabasco Sauce, Mexico tried to log in to my email and burn my account.

I saw red, changed all my passwords and then five minutes later forgot them. Must be a symptom of underemployment isolation. That and creeping brain fog, both an evil distraction and my best friend.

It talks to me along with the AC and the characters in my head while my ears ring from a lack of social contact; silence at work and then at home, where I crank out the crazy, a jack-in-the-box, wound up tight, pops when the music in my head stops.

How’s your week been?

25 Comments The Week That Hit The Fan

  1. Agent 54

    Ah, inanimate objects, you gotta love em.

    Underemployment isolation? Is that what I got? Is it fatal?

    I’ve been underemployed since I got “downsized” at L-3 Communications Dec. 13th 2011.

    1. Lauren

      I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s tough out there. Don’t give up though.

      I find that it’s easier to get along with inanimate objects. : )

  2. Bryan G. Robinson

    “…at home, where I crank out the crazy, a jack-in-the-box, wound up tight, pops when the music in my head stops.”

    Hot too, but not as poetic sounding as yours. I wish. šŸ™‚

      1. Bryan G.

        A bit cooler tonight, but back in the 90s tomorrow with heat indices in the 100s. Ugh…but I’m glad I work in a/c.

        1. Lauren

          It was 85 last night in town. Where I live at a higher altitude, it was 79. Today it’s 93.

          Very brutal weather. At least there’s no snow!

  3. June O'Hara

    A few minutes later, my back and butt bake on the hot faux leather. Menopause? Iā€™m sure. But Iā€™m wrong. I accidentally turned on the heated seat. Perfect end to a day in which I wadded through thick wet air, knee deep, without a life preserver.

    Love. Love. Love.

    You are one funny woman.

  4. Phil

    All I know is that I love my AC. It’s 96 right now in NYC which really feels like 104! I think our AC units are going into cardiac arrest!

    1. Lauren

      Jesus! 96! That’s way too hot. Though several months ago we were bitching about how cold it was.

      Is there a defibrillator for AC units? Maybe you should get one.

  5. Babs

    I’m too hot to try and be witty here. That’s just an excuse because I’m not as clever as you šŸ˜‰

    We don’t have AC here, because we don’t usually get the weather to need it. We have to put up with sitting in front of a little fan. I have one aimed at my bed and leave it on all night, blowing in my face.

    * I accidentally turned on the heated seat.* Hilarious!

    1. Lauren

      I hope it’s not too hot for you and stays that way. Not having AC in the 80s or 90s can be torture.

      Thanks -I know. I’m daft. At least it wasn’t menopause.

    1. Lauren


      It must be brutal in Texas…because of the heat, not Rick Perry this time. At least you’re not frying an egg in Death Valley.

  6. Rum Punch Drunk

    We Brits are having a heat wave at the moment and it’s brilliant. I’m enjoying every minute of this weather. No need for ACs in this country as the sun won’t last long enough but I’m interested in your heated seat thing because winter is coming for sure and the butts need heating up mate.

    As for the week I’ve had, don’t ask! Nothing to write home about on last week…. šŸ™

    1. Lauren

      I guess the fog hides the sun. : )

      My car has heated seats. Good for the winter. Bad for the summer.

      Nothing to write home about sounds perfect, a non eventful week.

  7. Lisa

    Lauren, it’s happened to me 2 years now in the hottest weeks – it has been leaking and repair folks coming Monday. We drained water to get it working but don’t want to have a mold issue.
    How did we do it as kids growing up? We never had a/c and my folks rarely use it now as they are in the mid 80’s. I played cards there last night and sweated myself off. šŸ™ This should be the last day of it, we hope!
    It still beat shoveling snow!

    1. Lauren

      I feel for you. We had the A/C guy here this past Sunday and Monday.

      Last year our unit sprung a leak in the utility room. It got backed up – water everywhere! Periodically the A/C guy injects sealant into the system because there are tiny leaks throughout.

      I don’t remember if we had A/C or not. Was it invented yet?

      Thunderstorms tonight. Yay! Drop in temperature tomorrow. At least it’s not as hot as Death Valley.

  8. injaynesworld

    See? You are a person who, like me, clearly should not be allowed to carry a gun — just because of week’s like this. Hope next week is a better one, my friend. šŸ™‚

  9. Adrienne

    I feel for you Lauren!

    I live in Texas where it’s always hot. No rest for the wary here so don’t visit unless you’re truly ready.

    Thank goodness for air conditioning though. I do live in an older condo complex so when our air goes out everyone is affected. Yep, we share the unit but since we changed management companies about four years ago we are now on a maintenance schedule with the AC company so we haven’t had an issue in years. Thank goodness because that’s just no fun at all.



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