When You’re Blocked. The number one preferred brain laxative of non-institutionalized shrinks, Mentamucil contains natural brain fiber that adds bulk to gray matter where thoughts matter most. More brain fiber less WTF moments. Taken daily, Mentamucil improves colon and comma health by helping you move your vowels regularly. No more discomfort from introspective constipation or… Continue reading
Author Archives → Lauren
Are you Scribeaphobic – Afraid to Write?
Image via Wikipedia Some days I would rather do anything than write, which inevitably gives way to a game of self-deception. The game begins with a glance out the window under the guise of seeking inspiration. I hone in on the dandelions instead. “Must eliminate,” I mutter like a section eight patient and head outside… Continue reading
Jobless Rate Rises by One.
Image by Cornell University Library via Flickr On Friday, I opened my email at work and read this: Your position with — is being terminated due to restructuring. Let’s meet at 4:45 to discuss further. The person who sent the email sat behind me, only two-feet away. Instead of turning around and facing the person… Continue reading
Stuck in School Bus Limbo.
Image by woody1778a via Flickr. A school bus with flashing crimson lights suddenly appears in front of my car, squeaking in ancient brakeage tongues before creeping to a stop. “You Move. You lose your phone and radio privileges.” The bus driver speaks from a microphone. But I’ve got an itch on my blind side.To further… Continue reading
Grim and Grimmer – War of the Whirly Words
Grim You must write everything out. Grimmer E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g o-u-t. What’s the point? Grim There is no point. I put my hands in my pockets to avoid a point. Grimmer A finger point? Grim Yes, I had a finger point. You need to use your fingers to recapture the lost art of handwriting, not hieroglyphics. Management… Continue reading
Spam Soap — An Oxymoron and Post Extracted from the Blogger Drainpipe.
This is a repost of As the Spam Turns – Tales from Nigeria. I just read a post about spam called Scamming 101 at Leeuna’s great site My Mind Wandered – and it never came back! That’s where I got the idea of reheating the spam. Leeuna is a very funny humor writer,… Continue reading
Premeditated Blogging, Criminal, or Anal?
A Scene from Disorder in the Court.Image via Wikipedia Warning: Blogging Crime Scene! Sometimes it takes me two hours or more to write a blog post. Initially, the words bleed out onto the page, but then I review what I’ve written and the autopsy begins. Afterward, I put the pieces back together in a postmortem… Continue reading
Best Dead Stuffed Animal Gifts for the Home.
Image via Wikipedia Top Selling Items Guinea Pig Paperweights. Parrot Wall Hangings – Wonderful decorative accents for any room. Persian Cat Hand and Foot Warmers. Hermie the Hamster and Gerry the Gerbil – Rodent Replacements. You never have to feed them. Goat Drying Racks for the Mudroom. Hedgehog Book Ends. Pig Banks –… Continue reading
Doctors Say Hurricane Season May Cause Tropical Depression in Some People.
At a recent meeting of the Shrunken Shrinks Alliance, a radical splinter group of the National Psychiatric Association, keynote speaker Dr. Stanley Turdgarden passively-aggressively shocked psychiatrists by revealing how he first discovered the correlation between storm and psyche. “… When news of a hurricane hits the airwaves, my phone never stops ringing, and quite frankly… Continue reading
Secret CIA Program Found in Cheney’s Pants.
Image via Wikipedia More dusty words from the back of the blog shelf. Sun July 12, 2009 (Reuters) – Cheney hid CIA program from Congress: senator My spin on the article: Limited public appearances while Cheney was still in office tied to secret program. Earlier today, an anonymous source told the Washington Retro Times,… Continue reading